Independence “Threatens Threats”

By Stephen Bowman

A spokesman for the Better Together campaign has warned Scots that voting Yes in September’s independence referendum will threaten threats about the future of the country. The spokesman suggested that Scotland currently enjoys a greater level of scaremongering per head of population than do other parts of the UK. He said that there was no guarantee that this level could be maintained if Scotland voted to leave the Union.

The spokesman said: “Scots need to realise that independence presents a real threat to our ability to make threats over things like pensions, academic research funding and the economy. If Scots vote Yes they’ll soon discover that all of the threats we’ve been making have no foundation in reality and will ultimately stop.” He went on, and on, and on: “As part of the UK, Scotland receives large subsidies of fear. But these will dry up if Scotland votes Yes. There’ll be nothing left to fear if Scotland becomes independent, and there’s no point running back to the UK complaining about it.”

This intervention came on the same day that Scottish Labour MPs expressed fears that independence could lead to job losses amongst Scottish Labour MPs. In other news, turkeys have called for people to say “No Thanks” to Christmas.

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